Category Archives: Uncategorized

Claudy’s Life-Affirming White Bean Galician Soup

I can’t take credit for this amazing soup, Caldo Gallego, except for the intention. The recipe itself is from “The Cuisines of Spain,” an exquisite cookbook by Teresa Berrenechea. My aim was to make a soup to say yes to life.

It’s cold again-slash-still in Santa fe, not minus 15 degrees cold as it was last week, just snow-flurry and gray clouds cold. The only word for the morning sky today was dreary. I thought I beat the winter blues 25 years ago when I left the East Coast and rolled off the dumb-luck truck in the Sunbelt. This year, they’re back.

I spent most of Sunday morning flipping through Barrenechea’s cookbook, picking out a soup before losing myself in travel fantasies and questions about various regions of Spain. America’s diverse (though rapidly homogenizing) ethnic regions sprouted, like mushrooms, more or less simultaneously in our relatively compressed period of foreign conquest. Spain’s provinces developed as independent kingdoms over centuries, with their own languages, dialects, customs, foods and culinary traditions. A trip even through a Spanish cookbook is a geographic and historic journey.

I found Galicia on the map, the province in the northwest chunk of Spain just above Portugal. For linguistic reasons, the adjectival form of Galicia is Gallegos. There’s so much I want to learn about this world.

You can start anything with soup. This morning before starting work I walked to Ziggy’s International Market, about a half mile from our house, where I picked up a package of Spanish chorizo, chatted a bit with Maria, the cashier, then walked across the parking lot to the little Mexican-owned grocery for greens.

“Excuse me,” I said twice to the man in the grocer’s apron, who didn’t even register hearing me. “Perdoneme,” I then said hesitantly, “tengo una pregunta, por favor,” and pointed to the sign for turnip greens. They wouldn’t have any ’til tomorrow, he said, so I grabbed a bunch of kale.

I walked home under the dreary pre-snow sky with my bag of kale and chorizo, aiming to hedge the blues with a stockpot.Last Saturday I volunteered at the Souper Bowl, the Santa Fe Food Depot‘s big fundraiser, where 30-some local restaurants give tastes of their best soups. I was physically tired and just weary emotionally. There were many good soups there, but a Roasted Garlic and Winter Vegetable soup brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Maybe someday I’ll write a book about soup as a spiritual practice.

Caldo Gallegos (White Bean Soup with Greens and Meat)

1/2 pound dried white cannellini beans
1/2 pound bacon (in one piece, if available)
1# turnip greens or green cabbage, chopped (I substituted kale)
About 6 oz. Spanish chorizo (note: this is not the same as Mexican chorizo)
1# potatoes, cut in large chunks
1 teaspoon salt

*Rinse the beans and soak them 8 hours or overnight.
*Drain the beans, put in a stock pot, and add bacon and enough water to cover by an inch. Bring to a boil; lower heat to a simmer and cook uncovered for an hour.
*Add the greens; cook another half hour, adding water as necessary to cover the beans.
*Add the chorizo, potatoes and salt; cook another 30 minutes or so until the potatoes are fork-tender.
*To serve lift the bacon and chorizo from the pot and cut into small pieces. Put the meat in warmed soup bowls, ladle the soup on top, and serve immediately.

El Niño Gets a Bug

(written last year, but remembered this week when Ariel got a cold)

Nurse Misty at her station

El Niño emailed from Spain last week. This is our latest nickname for our son on account of his major in Spanish literature, and on account of the occasional resemblance between a strapping college boy and a periodic global  weather system that disturbs the planet.

This time the storm was viral.

“I woke up yesterday very cold and with fever and stomach cramps,” he wrote Monday morning. “My fever broke last night and today it’s just the stomach cramps that’s got me pissed with life. I can’t keep water in me. I’m going to the doctor.”

This is how it is when you’re the mom of a child who loves to travel. He gets you out of your cubicle; he gets you to other parts of the world and your head. But the truth is your pitch rises, just a wee bit, from the effort to disguise your anxiety when that child gets sick far from home. You can’t make the chicken soup, the chamomile tea, the dry toast. You can’t quite remember, out of context, the advice your own mother gave you (Bananas are binding? An “A” for applesauce?) when your stomach went off when you were young. You’re off your mom game.

You go on faith; he’s an adult after all. He’s across the world. You can’t protect him from everything. You remember for maybe the millionth time the adage that Parenting is About Letting Go, and you remember for infinity-plus-one that you’re entwined for, like, ever.

So you make the metaphoric cup of chamomile tea to calm his choppy stomach (like Peter Rabbit’s mom did), and you squeeze in a little symbolic lemon and drizzle some hypothetical honey, and you pass it across the coffee table, I mean ocean, to the boy sprawled on the couch under the fuzzy red blankie watching a video with Misty curled at his feet, the cat who already comfortably sprawls the territory between the actual and the mythic, and you wait and believe….

“I have a virus and my body will kill it on its own, the doctors say,” El Niño wrote on Tuesday. “They gave me some meds to treat the symptoms and they are helping a lot. I still feel weak and without energy, and my body still isn’t down with H2O, but I’m getting better.”

When he forgets to log onto Skype at the time you’d arranged on Wednesday, you smile, recognizing this as a sign that he’s getting back to normal.

You tell yourself you weren’t really that worried, and you mean it, pretty much. You remember this is the kid you saw kiss the bottom of his own bare foot when he stepped on a thorn as a little boy, and you know this is how it’s supposed to be: moms take care of kids; they become adults who take care of themselves. You tell yourself, once again, that parenthood means letting go, and you basically mean it. As for the roiling swells of protectiveness you feel inside, that can be your own little secret.

I said God, not Dog

From an earlier snowshoe trip

Things got complicated. New Year’s morning, Hanna confronted Ariel about things he did with his friends the night before. He wished she hadn’t brought it up in front of us, but I admired her courage and sensed a need for support. It weighed on me heavily, so I passed on brunch with mother-in-law the next day and headed up the mountain to go snowshoeing. I needed some solitary time, to move my body and sort out my thoughts and see if the universe would maybe throw me some guidance.

I was halfway up to Big Tesuque before I realized I’d left my snowshoes on our patio. So with a few well-chosen curses I turned the car around at Black Canyon and drove home for them, and a fish sandwich from McDonald’s. It’s only time, I thought, dazed by a headache I’d been fighting all morning.

I found a parking spot right in front of the Big Tesuque trailhead (the angels were with me, Marsha would say) and strapped on my snowshoes and daypack. A few people were sledding down the little hill near the parking lot. A young woman slid down on a yellow saucer-sled with a long, gleeful shriek.

“That’s the kind of equipment I need,” her boyfriend said, pointing to my snowshoes and poles. “Oh I don’t know, I think that looks fun,” I said, imitating the woman’s shrieks. We all laughed.

Aspens in the snow.

From there I had the trail to myself. I crossed the creek, which was frozen and snow-packed, and hiked up the trail on its left bank. The length-adjuster for one of my poles was jammed, which made it contract when I leaned on it, so I had to carry that pole and just use the other. My head was still hurting and I couldn’t gather much energy. I kept peering around the bony aspen branches, looking for the gray electrical box on the forest service road that would be my turn-around point, but it seemed twice as far as I remembered.

At last the trail leveled off onto the forest service road. I walked over to the electrical box, slowing down to catch my breath, and felt my worries catch up with me. “I could use your help here, God,” I said softly.

just a public-domain Black Lab in the snow!

Just that moment I heard a bell in the distance behind me. I turned and saw a dog coming down the forest road – a small Black Lab, smaller than our old dog Emily – with a woman in a parka following several paces behind. The dog had a bell around its collar, not the little kind we put on Misty’s collar to give the birds an edge, more like a sleigh bell. I half expected a chorus to start singing Jingle Bells.

“I said ‘God,’ not ‘dog,’” I said under my breath, breaking into a smile. We passed one another as I headed to the trail on the other side of the creek. I was grinning goofily by then, but the woman passed without even making eye contact.

Before heading down the trail I stopped for a sip from my water bottle, and noticed a rustling in the trees up the hill, maybe 20 feet to my left, and saw a young man carrying a snowboard making his way out of the woods onto the road.

“It’s the Abominable Snowboarder!” I called out, startled by his sudden emergence through the trees.

“I took a wrong turn up there at the ski area and got lost on the mountain,” he said, flustered and tangibly relieved. He must have bushwhacked a few miles through backcountry and was lucky to find his way to a trail. “Can you tell me how to get back up to Ski Santa Fe?”

“Sure,” I said, “just follow this road maybe half a mile and it’ll take you to the main road to the ski area.”

“Is it downhill?” he asked with a trace of pleading.

“No, but it’s pretty flat. If you really want to go downhill you could take this trail down the creek. It’ll also take you to the main road, just further down.”

“I better not,” he said. “I don’t want to risk getting lost again.”

I offered him luck and assurance and headed down my trail, grateful to have been pulled out of my head for a moment by someone else’s need for help. I climbed carefully over the few fallen trees on the trail, pondering the random confluence of the dog, the snowboarder, God and me. Can you tell me how to get back to Ski Santa Fe?… I could still hear his anxious query. It was an easy pitch, but still, I was proud to have popped it. Sometime in my 25 years in New Mexico, I became someone who can give directions in these mountains once in a while. Somewhere in my 20-some years as a mom, I learned some things about helping young people find their way out of the woods.

A few new sledders were at the trailhead when I got back to my car. Back at home, Hanna and Ariel were out, using the gift certificate for a hot tub and foot massages that we gave them for Christmas. Charles and I went to the mall to see “The King’s Speech” (which we loved), for a little foretaste and reminder of activities that will fill our empty-nester life again soon.

Friday Night Dinner

Friday Night Dinner

Ariel and Hanna, co-chefs

That Friday, a week before Christmas, we made a traditional Syrian Jewish Friday night dinner, all four of us, for my cousin Denise and her husband Ken. Ariel generally enjoys making Syrian dishes with me, but now with Hanna here for the holidays from Germany their combined interest was strong enough to postpone a trip to Albuquerque to see a big American mall and some of Ariel’s friends.

Roast chicken with eggplant & potatoes

This wasn’t “just a little something we whipped up.” It was an all-day, full-house endeavor. I went to the grocery store in the morning and got back while Ariel and Hanna were having breakfast. We sliced three eggplants and started broiling them, in batches, for roast chicken and eggplant. I put two chickens in the oven in the big roasting pan. We cubed several pounds of yellow potatoes, tossed them with a little oil in a casserole pan and put them in the oven. We’d arrange them later with the eggplant slices around the chicken for a final cooking in its juices. I usually don’t cook chicken with both these veggies at once, but when Ariel asked with “please, Mommy” eyes if we could have some of those yummy potatoes, I was not inclined to say no. 

Ariel and Hanna flipped through our “Aromas of Aleppo” cookbook to pick out something else to make. (I call this the “cookbook of record” of the Syrian Jewish community, as the New York Times is America’s “newspaper of record.” It is more than a collection of amazing recipes; it’s a culinary anthropology of a culture.) They picked out a vegetarian version of yebra (stuffed grape leaves filled with tomatoes, rice, mint and pine nuts). We didnt have grape leaves so they made a run to Whole Foods.

Ariel and Dad, chocolatiers

After they came back, Charles led us through the final steps of our chocolate-making project. To the invert syrup we made the day before, we added tempered chocolate that we infused with various flavors: one, lavender and vanilla; another, Earl Grey tea. Hanna made a salad of baby greens, pomegranate seeds and avocado. Denise was bringing rice and hamud (a traditional broth of lemon, garlic, mint and vegetables, served over the rice) with some of her mom’s kibbehs (stuffed meatballs) that she had in the freezer.

La Nina rolling grapeleaves

We cleared space on the table and I showed “the kids” how to roll grape leaves (flatten out a leaf, put a little “finger” of filling in the middle, fold one side over, then the other, and roll it tight). “Look how much neater mine are than yours,” Hanna said. She was a little jetlagged, just her third day in New Mexico, but not too tired to tease her boyfriend. We finished making them at around 6 o’clock and put them on the stove to cook. I was relieved Denise and Ken were a little late so we had a few moments to rest.

As someone who has accidentally-on-purpose found herself thousands of miles from her family-of-origin, I have come to appreciate the special pleasures of being around people whose heritage and memories coincide with mine. These foods are as familiar to Denise as they are to me, if not more so, and Ken has enjoyed an immersion course for about two decades now. Denise’s mom brings them a freezer-bag of kibbehs, sambusac and laham b’ajeen when she visits, and they go to New York for holidays a couple times a year. I don’t know anyone else within a thousand miles who calls these particular smells and tastes their own.

This dinner wasn’t just for me, however, but also to bombard Ariel and Hanna with the energy of the otherwise long-distance side of his family. I’m sure on conscious and subliminal levels he feels commonalities between these two curly-haired, short, thin, Jewish women. “Wow,” Hanna said when Denise and Ken closed the door behind themselves and the noise level dropped down again. “That was intense.”

And seeing someone who has known me since I was a kid also points a little mirror on myself. “You all seem to be in such a good place,” Denise e-mailed the next day. “I am most happy for you. Can’t wait ‘til lunch!” (We sent them home with leftovers.) I was glad I’d made the second chicken – plenty for the weekend. Somehow this stuff always tastes better the next day, after the juices, reflections and memories have had time to co-mingle.

Waiting for La Niña

Roses for Hanna

Ariel’s on his way to Albuquerque to pick up Hanna, whose flight arrives at 8. He was so excited today you could feel the vibrations all over the house. After hours yesterday cleaning his room, and the bathroom (the. bath. room. that’s right.), he stopped at the grocery store today to get her flowers, banged out the dents in his car door Charles’s sledgehammer, then headed down to Albuquerque. I’m SO happy for him. “Don’t text and drive; don’t talk on your cell phone and drive; drive like people who love you are depending on it. Now get outta here.” That’s how I express love at this point in El Nino’s life (well, one way).

Charles is in the kitchen making invert sugar. For his birthday earlier this month I gave him a year’s subscription to Recchiuti’s monthly “Classics Club” (we discovered an amazing chocolate shop in San Francisco in October) with their book on making chocolates. Many recipes start with an invert sugar syrup, basically sugar heated until it breaks down into glucose and fructose, which makes for a much smoother consistency. You can buy this syrup but it’s not hard to make, and Charles took it upon himself to learn how. He went to two cooking stores to get things we need, including an immersion blender and a new instant-read thermometer.

“I love this, it’s so cool,” he says. “You stick this bad boy in there and it tells you what you need to know.” For the moment all I need to do to help is say “mm-hmm” and “wow!” once in a while and keep him company. We’ll do the real work together tomorrow with “the kids.” There will be a second one here soon. “208,” Charles says. “We’re almost there, honey.”

I have dinner cooking for Ariel and Hanna, an ad-libbed chicken and green olives and some spaghetti al limone, which smells delicious. Hanna may be too tired after a day’s travels to want to eat much, but Ariel’s never been too tired to eat. We’ve got clothes racks near the wood stove temporarily to finish drying, Charles at the stove announcing the rising temperatures of his syrup, Misty sleeping on the warm floor near the fire, chicken hissing in its juices in the oven, and peach-colored tea roses on the kitchen table for La Hanna. I feel like Eloise at midlife: “Oooooooo, I absolutely LOVE domesticity!”

Cheers / Prost!

El Niño Returns

Ariel sets up the tree while...

‘Twas a week before Christmas…

Sometimes at this time of year we’re busy packing to go somewhere warm and far, but this year we’re the destination. El Niño just arrived, blowing in with high spirits, jokes, new music and allusions to South Park episodes. I’m referring of course to our son, Ariel. Because, while perhaps there’s not so much resemblance as there once was between our charming lad and a major global atmospheric-pressure disturbance causing floods, droughts and extreme temperature swings, his arrivals and departures nevertheless bring changes in the barometric pressure of two parents settling deeper into our lives as Empty Nesters.

...La Misty supervises

This evening after dinner, he stuck his iPod in the player on the kitchen counter and put on an Argentine tango/reggae band he thought we’d like. Then he and Charles set up the artificial Christmas tree that Charles had just bought, while I loaded the dishwasher. Now, I could take or leave a Christmas tree, but this is something the guys love. And this one’s cute, a ”Colorado White Pine” that came out of the box with colored lights already affixed to the branches. Misty kept watch as they set it up in the corner between the woodstove and our Picasso poster of birds. One year back in her kittenhood Misty actually tried to climb a live Christmas tree, but this time she just supervised from couch. I guess the smell of fresh-milled polyvinyl choride doesn’t float her kitty boat.

Charles and I have had a lovely fall together, so maybe it was the barometric change of Ariel’s impending arrival, or the holidays, or I don’t know what, that had pulled us down the previous few days before. I’d been struggling for a larger mind, all up about what I wanted to do and not do for the holidays, while Charles was visited by Ghosts of Christmas Past. I could feel the energy lift as soon as the boy was back in the house. He was veritably bubbling over with excitement, from finishing five exams in a week, from being home, but mostly from anticipation of seeing his girlfriend, Hanna, who’d arrive a few days later from Germany. They met last year on exchange programs in Spain. They assumed they would have to split up at the end of the year when they headed back to homes on different continents, but that hasn’t worked out.

Ta dah!

So now instead of running off with his usual band of rogues on his first night home, he spends hours cleaning his bedroom to get ready for Hanna’s arrival, removing boxes of junk and give-aways, hanging pictures. I was almost too tired to stay up long enough for him to show off the results, but I did, and was duly impressed. The next day I helped him pick out a present for Hanna for Christmas, a lovely gold lotus-silhouette necklace and matching earrings, beautiful and unique. The saleswoman and I gave strong approval, but this was all Ariel, eyeing what he liked and talking it through. The store radio was blaring rocked-up Christmas songs and I was sweating about my parking meter, but there I was biting the insides of my mouth to keep from crying, so moved was I to be privy to watching my son decide how to show love.

You know that Rodgers and Hammerstein song, “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear, you’ve got to be taught from year to year, you’ve got to be carefully taught”? Well, having this fresh warm breeze of youth in the house, I remember we’ve got to be taught how to love, that it doesn’t come out of the air, that tenderness reaps tenderness going forward and back. When Hanna didn’t feel well one day when they were in Spain, he told us, he downloaded Beatrix Potter stories to read her, the same ones we read to him once upon a time. I see them now carrying forth in their own ways the lessons they learned about love. And now I feel his joyous, gentle, kind and accepting spirit opening my own heart muscles, like sails, like butterfly wings, like petals of yellow tulips. You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late. You’ve got to be carefully taught.

Recharge and Precharge

I’m off for a night in Jemez Springs, New Mexico, a little writing and sola time. Wondering, again, why it is that for someone who considers herself happily married, I sure like a lot of time sola. Perhaps, the voice inside asks, I’m not really as happily married as I think?? No, that’s not it. Sometimes I just need to get out of my context as wife and mother to get back in touch with myself.

Two years ago, working on a long manuscript (not yet a book), I discovered Jemez Springs as a place for an easy getaway. It’s about two hours from Santa Fe, up in the beautiful Jemez Mountains, with a couple of unpretentious and inexpensive motels. The town has a few shops and galleries, good hiking trails and, now, an incredible bakery/cafe.  A very unglitzy (this is good) city-run bathhouse with private baths and spa perks at prices Santa Fe hasn’t seen for eons. No cell phone reception. Great public library.

It’s time again. Just this week, my fifth week home, I’ve been noticing my Spain feeling slipping away. For the first few weeks I was keeping it – making Spanish soups and tapas, taking time off in the middle of the day, pouring a tinto de verano at (by US standards) odd hours. 

These past several days I’ve been waking up at night, not feeling so refreshed in the morning, noticing something slip the spiritual rails. The great expansiveness I felt for a month in Spain and following has been shrinking back: too little writing, too little sunshine, too much computer.

Sure, this transition is to be expected after a long trip, but I don’t want to settle for it entirely either. I’m in  Tumbleweeds busy season (my fall issue comes out in a few weeks), but the other factors are more personal, to do with the lovely, frustrating entanglement of self and family. Ariel’s home for a month. My parents are coming to visit this week. My month of sola time in Spain sequed into couple time with Charles, now family time, soon extended-family time.

Last night I dreamt I was sitting behind my grandfather’s giant desk, the massive piece with hidden drawers that intrigued me as a kid. This morning I remembered a conversation I had with Iman in the middle of my trip, when I was starting to wonder how I’d keep my traveling feelings, that wonderful joy of newness and discovery, when I got back home.

“When we’re traveling, we’re foreigners,” I remember her saying. “We’re more ourselves; we give ourselves permission to be freer.”

“I know,” I said, and if I kept the whine out of my voice it was just by luck. 

“But we’re always travelers,” she said, a feeling I don’t always consider in my well-worn footpaths at home.“Soy extranjera en el mundo,” she said. I wrote that one down. I’m a foreigner in the world.

I’ve been feeling too familiar in my world, boxed in by something in my own mind. So while the opportunity presents I am off again for a night and a day sola, to tap back into feelings I reach more successfully alone. A moment to remember myself as a foreigner, before reconnecting with the people in the world who feel they know me best.

Morocco, Part 2: Rug Bizarre

So: let’s have a plate of couscous and glass of mint tea and I’ll tell you more about my trip to Morocco. Let’s go back to the Tetouan medina, Tetouan’s original walled city, where with a busload of American college students at the crest of pop culture we see a market unchanged by centuries: the souk of my dad’s Syrian childhood, the streets of pre-Inquisition Spain, in the era of Facebook and iPhones. Where our tour guide Abdul teaches us rudiments of Muslim greeting and observance, describes the waning tradition of polygamy, and invites us to call him Michael Douglas. Will there be nearly enough time in a weekend to untangle the cultural complexities of this country?

Abdul slash Michael Douglas takes us to a Moroccan crafts cooperative, through a narrow door, up a flight of stairs, into a large room draped with bright-colored rugs. A man in a white jalaba (a long embroidered robe) and a kufi cap welcomes us, smiling, while everyone squeezes into place on the benches along the walls. “You’ll like him,” Michael Douglas tells me, remembering my questions about the synagogue he pointed to from the bus. “He’s one of your people. He’s Jewish.” I smile.

This is a big rug showroom, not really what I expected from a “crafts cooperative.”  The man in the white jalaba explains he’ll show us several rugs and if we see ones we like, we’ll talk together later about price, “no pressing, no pressing,” he says, earning endearing giggles for imperfect English. He teaches us two Arabic words – waha (I want it) and la (no) - which we repeat in scraggly unison. If we like it and agree on a price, we take it home or it will be shipped to us, “guaranteed, delivered, door to the door.” If not, we go. No pressing.

He nods to one of his young assistants, who unrolls a huge red and blue rug on the floor. Gasps from the crowd. He folds back a corner; it’s fully reversible: “Summer, winter. No cleaning.” He holds a lighter to the fibers; they don’t burn. More gasps. They bring out rug after rug, rolling them out one on top of another in a growing stack: Berbers, northern Moroccan, nomadic; silk, wool, cotton, camel hair, cactus fiber; rugs, runners, prayer mats, blankets, bed covers. It’s a well-used sales routine and they work it tirelessly, but I look around the room at this group of American college students and wonder what the Arabic equivalent would be for “barking up the wrong tree.”

Waha and la: he reminds us of our new words. Two large stacks fill the center of the room.  He raises a small prayer rug from the top, the last rug added to the pile. “La,” several people say: no. With the next, someone says “Waha!” and they hand her the rug. Before long, most of the group is holding something. If  two people say “Waha” for the same blanket or spread, the young assistants hand them similar ones. I’m remembering a large silk rug, shades of green and pink, one of the first to be laid down. I wait for it to resurface. No one has mentioned prices yet, not even ballpark. What the heck – I’ll find out. Waha!”

When every item has been handed out or put away, we’re whisked around the building to talk price one on one, away from the group. I’ve selected the largest, priciest item, and the man in the white jalaba leads me to a back room himself. Michael Douglas introduces us, noting we’re both of the same people. (Should I have asked him to recite the sh’ma?) At the moment I have more pressing concerns; it’s well after noon and I haven’t eaten since breakfast at the hotel – jam-filled crepes, pastries, yoghurt and sweet mint tea – and I’m getting a wicked low-blood-sugar headache. So I ask, in pathetic Spanish, if they have any almonds (I know that one – almendras) or peanuts (I never remember how to pronounce cacahuetes). He sends off one of the young assistants, who comes back with a large bottle of water and a spongy pastry filled with lime-green goo. I’m desperate. I eat it.

Someone brings in the rug and rolls it out on the ground. “Please,” my rug man says, spreading out an arm. “Please. Take off your shoes and walk on it.” I slide off my sandals and step on it gingerly.

“It’s beautiful,” I say, confident I can walk the line between polite and savvy, “but I really don’t know if I can afford it. How much is it?”

He takes out a yellow spiral notebook, flips to a blank page, writes $6500 in the upper right corner, and circles it.

“It’s really beautiful,” I say again, now wondering how to extract myself, “and I know it’s worth it. But I can’t possibly spend that much money.”

He draws a vertical line down the page, points to the left of it and asks me to write my offer. I contemplate the altitude between my price point and his. “Please,” he says again, holding out the pen.

I write $1000. Circle it.

He smiles like a benevolent teacher trying not to embarrass a young student. At this point a tiny woman with a shawl around her head walks through the room. She smiles, not quite making eye contact, before slipping through a doorway. She’s one of the women who ties these rugs, he says, reminding me how many knots per square meter, how many months of work, go into a rug this size.

He writes $5500 below his first number. Circles it.

Again I say how nice it is, how I’m sure it’s worth it, but that’s it’s a lot of money for me. Still… I think how fun it would be to have a rug from this trip to Morocco in our newly-remodeled living room, with the newly-refinished floors…. But dare I put so much on our credit card in another country and trust the rug to arrive in Santa Fe in a month “door to the door”? I need someone to talk to.

Michael Douglas, who has been wandering in and out, takes me aside and asks what I think. “Oh, it’s beautiful,” I say yet again, as if the rug has ears and feelings, “but it’s a lot of money for me to spend!”

“Señora,” he says. “Please. Don’t think of it as an expense. Think of it as an investment.”

Ooo, I think, turning to hide my grin, that one might work! I think of the money we’re keeping in the bank until the stock market stabilizes. Would it be the worst thing to put some of it into in a Moroccan rug, something of value and beauty and memories…

I write $1500 in the notebook. Circle it.

Eventually I get up (I think) to $2200 and the rug man is still nodding like a preschool teacher, when Michael Douglas comes back to get me; our tour group has already gathered for lunch. He leads me outside, my eyes stinging from the bright sun after so long indoors, to the restaurant across the alley.

“I need to talk!” I tell Tine and Claudia, sitting at a large round table with several of the American college students, and I squeeze in another chair. Several people in the group have bought rugs or bed spreads, now feeling shades of remorse about for putting so much of their Morocco spending money into a purchase they hadn’t planned on. Some worry they spent more than others for similar items, but they had to decide so quickly, in isolation from one another. I offer reassurance, and tell them my experience, on a whole different price plane, talking quickly, shoveling in food (chicken and veggie tagine, pretty good).

“So did you buy it?” someone asks.

“No,” I say, “but I have a feeling it’s not over. I don’t think it’s over ’til we get on the bus and leave.”

Girls get henna designs painted on their arms or shoulders for a few euros. A Moroccan man dances for tips. On our way back to the bus I see the director of the cooperative standing in a doorway. I make out the words “Senora- $2000″ – but keep walking.

Bus to Tangier… A stop where almost everyone gets their picture taken riding a camel; I pass. A stop on the coast, where the waters of the Mediterranean meet the Atlantic. At a market, an hour to shop. Wherever we stop, men swarm our group, selling fezes, earrings, camel hair belts, leather bags, Spanish soccer jerseys; Claudia says she and her family didn’t experience this on their trip here in December and that we are getting it because we’re a large group of (mostly) young tourists. It’s nearly overwhelming. Then back to our hotel in Tetouan, where some of the group watches the last end of the World Cup soccer game before dinner, but Claudia, Tine and I go up to our room to rest.

Ring! Michael Douglas calls on the room phone to tell us dinner is being served in the restaurant, and as I walk through the lobby, there’s my rug guy (now in shorts and a button-down shirt, no jalaba or kufi) offering me the rug for $1500, including shipping, guaranteed, door to the door. I’m so beyond overwhelmed. “Can I eat dinner?” I ask, flumbuzzled. “Of course.” This isn’t the land of mañana, it’s the land of the endless day.

“He’s in the lobby?” Tine asks at the dinner table. “I told you it wasn’t over,” I answer. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a lot of money to spend, especially in another country. What if this package doesn’t arrive in a month as promised, door to the door? This isn’t the type of decision I’d ever make without Charles. But I’m flying sola. Should I throw caution and go for it?

“You need to come with me!” I grab Tine and Claudia after dinner when I see the rug man, chatting with hotel staff, in the lobby. He takes us upstairs to an empty ballroom and rolls the rug out for me, one last time. Oh, it is pretty, I see my friends thinking. I take another long look, trying to imagine it in the living room I haven’t seen for almost five weeks, and tell Tine I no longer feel I can’t do without it. I’m relieved.

But it’s Claudia, sensible Claudia, who thinks to ask the dimensions. Duh! We convert centimeters into inches, top of our heads, and inches into feet, and I realize it’s too big for the space in our living room between the couch and the wood stove. Uncompromisingly too big. I made this mistake before, with Charles, in an antiques store in Albuquerque. Spatial-visualization is my weak suit.

“I’m so sorry,” I say to the rug man, and even he concedes this is the deal breaker. He looks forlorn. This was nearly a whole day’s work, and the big fish is slipping off the line. He’s losing the biggest sale of the day, to a woman’s inability to estimate measurements.

Or is that the reason. “He didn’t know who he was dealing with!” Charles shouts when I tell him this story a week later at home. “He didn’t know you’re the daughter of Mike Sutton, who grew up in markets just like that one in Aleppo, Syria, whose father sold fabrics in stores like that, and his father’s father, and it obviously rubbed off on you. Those men didn’t know who they were dealing with!”

And maybe I don’t either. I apologize again, snap a blurry photo, and take his e-mail just in case we decide differently at home. In the stairway, Tine gives me two thumbs up and we do a post-mortem recap. I feel so grateful to Tine and Claudia for being there for me.

“I didn’t want to tell you,” Charles says when I’m safely back at home, “but I was worried about you in Morocco. All those stories of women swept away in the white sex-slave trade.” I smile. I know it’s hard to wait graciously at home while your sun and moon is across the ocean in an exotic land, that it’s hard to maintain perspective for five weeks apart, but the thought of myself at 52-year-old as sex-slave material just makes me smile.

As it was, I didn’t buy much in Morocco: a slipper-shaped refrigerator magnet from the mountain village of Chefchaouen, and a two-euro silver bracelet that I left on the night table in my hotel room in Madrid, intentionally, I’m not sure why. I suppose I just wanted to leave that very foreign country with impressions and photos, and questions just barely answered.

Morocco, Part 1

Morocco post – at last! When I close my eyes, two or so weeks after this trip, the images that first pop to mind are of the markets of the medina, the old walled city of Tetouan. There, in particular, I felt I’d traveled through time and space to a part of the world and period of time I’d known only through stories – among them, my father’s stories of growing up in Syria. You can practically see Morocco from points along the Spanish coast. The two countries are barely eight miles apart at their closest, barely an hour by ferry from Algeciras to Ceuta across the Strait of Gibraltar. At times in history they weren’t even separate countries. But that’s just history, just geography.  Cultural distance is something else.

I went to Morocco on my last weekend in Spain, with Zach and Tine and Claudia, three other students from Castila. Zach (a college student from Albuquerque), Tine (a veterinarian from Germany) and I had all started classes on the same day four weeks before, and by coincidence we were all ending on the same day. Claudia, who just turned 19, grew up in Sheboygan, Wisconsin; her parents moved to Granada earlier this year and they take Spanish classes at Castila from time to time. A few days before we left, Claudia’s mother asked me if I’d an eye out for Claudia in Morocco, in case she ran into any trouble. “She’s such a kind person,” she said, “and no one has ever treated her badly.” I almost said, “Ah, don’t worry!” but my maternal memory isn’t that short. “Of course,” I said.

We left school Friday just after the coffee break.  Claudia and I walked down to the Plaza Nueva, to meet Tine and Zach, who had to stop off at their apartments. We shared a taxi to the Palacio del Congresos and got on our tour bus. I didn’t know what type of group this would be, how big or small, and I found ourselves among a busload of American college students. I admit to a fair bit of eye-rolling at their passion on questions such as whether to go home from Spain with a new tatoo or piercing, though I also found a peculiar charm to traveling through their eyes. 

The ferry trip was short and fun, with impressive views of Gibraltar and much excitement on deck when the Moroccan coast came into view – Africa! We got off in Ceuta, actually an autonomous Spanish city on the Moroccan peninsula where we passed through the border check-point….slowly… We actually sat in the bus for an hour or so on account of a problem with someone’s passport – we never heard what – and by the time we got to the Hotel El-Yacouta on the putskirts of Tetouan, it was well after dark and we were sticky and tired. We were led right into the dining room for dinner – a disappointing meal of thin soup and meat kebobs and overcooked veggies – you’ve had better Moroccan meals. Our hotel had a funky, 1930s-movie charm – circular staircases, ballrooms, rooms different from one another – a little down on its heels perhaps but brimming with stories.

In the morning after a small breakfast (crepes, pastries, yoghurt and juice) we boarded the bus for the center of Tetuan. Our guide for the weekend was a Moroccan man with booming voice and jackhammer diction introduced himself as Abdul but told us we could call him by the name of the American movie star for which he is often confused: Michael Douglas. This was an obviously well-used line, but it got a good laugh. To get our attention he’d go through a litany of addresses: “Caballeros! Senoras! Senoritas! Chicos! Guys!” (this last with a thick Brooklyn accent). He obviously held great pride in his country, culture and religion and wanted to share that with us. He grew on me.

We stopped at a plaza in a commercial district of Tetouan, exchange few euros into dirhams, and then walked to the medina, or old city. This was a step into another time and part of the world. Many North African cities have a medina - the oldest district, often still surrounded by the original wall from early Arab times, with a labyrinth of narrow cobbled streets. Tetouan’s medina, I later read, is one of the smallest ones in Morocco but one of the best preserved, now a site on UNESCO’s World Heritage List. Following Abdul’s brisk pace, to avoid getting lost in the maze of tiny, unmarked streets, we passed hundreds of shops with products inside and out on the street — chickens (some live, some dead and plucked but with heads and feet intact), sides of meat, fish, cheeses, many varieties of olives, grains, slippers, hats, beads, thread, fruits, vegetables, bread, sweets, housewares, toiletries, cosmetics, robes. I imagined this to be similar to the souk that my dad remembers from his childhood in Aleppo: a huge market (Aleppo’s souk is covered, but was originally open-air like this one) with miles of stalls. I wondered if it was what we might have seen in Spain up to 500 years ago, during its nearly-800 years of Islamic rule.

This market was for locals, Michael Douglas explained, not foreigners - a reality I discovered viscerally when a pushcart rammed into my thigh while I turned my head to snap a photo. We weren’t given time to shop, which might have been intimidating anyway with no language in common (the local languages are Moroccan Arabic and a Berber dialect).  From time to time Michael Douglas gathered our group on one of the narrow side streets to talk about the history and culture, stopping frequently to greet passersby. He explained that each neighborhood within the medina traditionally has five components: a public fountain (since homes were built long before indoor plumbing), public baths, a mosque, bakery and school. Standing before the Royal Palace, just outside the medina, he pointed to the Moroccan flag: a five-pointed green star on a red background symbolizing the five pillars of Islam: professing faith in Muhammad, praying five times a day, engaging in charitable acts, fasting during Ramadan, and making pilgrimage to Mecca.

Near one of the fountains we passed a communal oven – a hole in the wall I might not have noticed if Michael Douglas hadn’t pointed it out to us -where people take dough they prepare at home to be baked. I remembered Dad describing his mother putting up a bin of bread dough, which he or his brothers would carry to the public ovens for baking and bring back later in the day. I don’t know if I’ll get to visit Aleppo with my dad, as we both hope to, but that morning I got the closest I’ve been so far.

On the bus later that morning, Michael Douglas point out  a church and a functioning synagogue, which pointed to proudly as evidence of the tolerant nature of his country. Morocco’s Jewish population today is about 7000 Jews, far fewer than it had before the creation of Israel but more than almost any other Middle Eastern or North African country. Most, but not all, of the women I saw wore shawls around their heads and long sleeves and skirts covering their arms and legs; a few wore Western dress, fewer burkas. Most men wore in Western clothing, but many others wore traditional robes and headgear. Women quickly covered their faces or turned away if anyone tried to take their picture. Our only guides were men, so I didn’t have conversations that might have given me a little sense of being a woman in this culture, as I’d have liked.

Next, Part 2: Rug Bizarre… does Claudy put a Berber on her Visa card? Can the daughter of Mike Sutton stay afloat with Moroccan rug salesmen? Stay tuned.

The Week that Woulda Been

Oh……. this would have been a great week to be in Spain. Rafael Nadal won Wimbledon. Spain whupped German culo in the World Cup semifinals. Sara, Iman’s older daughter, graduated from college. And Tosi, the little gray cat I dubbed the berenjena, had five little berenjenitas: two white and black, one gray just like Tosi, and two white and gray.

This last bit of news was the hardest to take. I’d watched that little gray belly get bigger and bigger over the weeks I lived in that house and hoped to see the kittens come into the world (a hard date to predict, since the mamacita kept the date of conception to herself). I’d learned the Spanish say “give birth” as “dar a luz” – give to light. When I got an email from Iman after I returned to Santa Fe saying the kittens came just that night after I left Granada for Madrid, I went into an irrational dizzy spell of nostalgia. Somehow that funny gray eggplant became a nexus of the affection we shared in that house. 

Meanwhile here in Santa Fe, I have my beloved hubby, our own very unpregnant cat Misty, a beautiful garden in fits of mid-summer bloom…. as I’ve always said, Santa Fe is a great place to return to from travels. But not quite yet. I’m here and I’m there. I’m still sleepy at strange times. I’m writing emails in Spanish and answering phone calls in English. I said hola to a guy on the street when I was taking a walk.

Tonight we’re having a few friends over and I’m making a salmorejo (a thick cold soup made with tomato and stale bread, topped with hard boiled egg and/or Spanish ham) and sangria (from Rafa’s recipe, one of our teachers at Castila, but a lot like this one). Friends from here, foods from there. That might bring my head and heart together on this particular piece of the earth.